On Byron's Don Juan

Something a little different (reading the news all the time is getting depressing):

To you, dear Byron, yes, to you I sing,
And heap upon you all the praise you're due,
Your dedication rare was quite the thing,
When that great epic Don was penned by you:
Though oft your metre left my head aching,
And your abuse of rhyme has made me blue.
But nonetheless I was in truth amused,
Despite the poetry that you've abused.

Although your satire proved to be mighty,
I wish you'd not made quite so good a jape,
For, sooth, in places, the poem hurts me,
As cry I must at how you rhythm rape.
(For an example, all of you can see
This poem here, where I the bottom scrape:
In mockery of mockery of rhyme,
Although this poem's quite after its time.)

Vet Bill Woes

Our Athos has been a bad kitty,
And that's why I'm penning this ditty:
He swallowed a string,
Shat out the same thing,
Now Athos is feeling self-pity.

No ruptures were found in his bowels,
Though you wouldn't know that from his yowls:
I saw the vet's bill,
And soon felt a chill,
"It's how much!?" was all I could howl.

Our new cat, Athos (like the musketeer!) swallowed a string some time. We suspect it was before we got him on August 30th, as we don't leave string around and he's had diarhhea and some vomiting the entire time since then. Fortunately it didn't rupture his intestines or get knotted up on the way out, so he's relatively okay. The vet cut him open to check the intestines for ruptures since that can lead to nasty infections, but they were just a bit sore. Phew. Nonetheless, he has been an expensive cat so far: this is the fourth time we've had to take him to the vet in the past 9 days. Hopefully now he will be doing better!

ode to CERN

In tunnels deep beneath Die Schweiz's trails:
Magnetic coils gain power at command,
By engineers who hope they will unveil
A phsyics marvel new to any land;
Though budget problems threatened to disband,
The mighty Hadron, over sixteen miles,
Which cost quite more than its initial plans;
But now stands ready to partake of trials,
This new construction's bound to make bold Hermes smile.

Though some cry danger, and forsee our death,
For fear the test may cause a new black hole,
The rest of us await with bated breath,
To see what can be learned from Science bold,
And hope that out of this vacuum-like cold,
The sought-for Boson will to us reveal,
The secrets of our universe so old,
And like Prometheus, the fire will steal,
And give us a new definition of what's real.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7604293.stm

The Cable Provider: A lampoon

Something a little different today, as I just got off the phone with "Censored Communications", who apparently charges an extra $6 a month for wireless with a company-provided wireless cable modem, or $4 a month for wireless even if you use your own wireless router. Because

There once was a cable provider,
Whose policies couldn't be snider*,
They offered you more,
For a dollar or four,
That those could get for free that were wiser.

Since it's all about money and profit,
They'd inform you not to regret it,
But give them the cash,
For their service slapdash:
"The air isn't free!" they'll explain it.

*(OED: definition 1: 1. Counterfeit, sham, bogus. Also more widely, inferior, worthless.)

"Millionaire" from 50p bet

There once was a better from England,
Whose bets were quite awfully unplanned,
He bet on the long shots,
But one day it paid off,
And the new millionaire was quite unmanned!

URL: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/north_yorkshire/7260526.stm

A switch to limericks

Spenserian Stanzas proved to be too difficult for my facile understanding of the niceties of metre and rhyme. Thus, I will be switching to something easier for the month. Limericks! Next month, I will probably switch to something else again. Hurrah.

Russian Rocket Riot

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7418860.stm

No hard-fought independence war was this,
The bright glare of the rockets was not red,
The smoking fires which lit them with a hiss,
Which fortunately left no victims dead,
But gave a show to them they'd not forget,
As rockets flew at random through the town,
And residents ran by with low-down heads,
Just hoping that the errant missiles' sound,
Would be all that they heard, and they would not touch down.